Humor

4 things totally going on at SU that you’re missing

Pretty much the entire Syracuse community has left campus for the winter break, but that doesn’t mean campus is shut down. Other than Georgetown still sucking, there are a ton of exciting things happening on campus that you’re totally missing. You could have witnessed or been a part of these events, but you decided to “go home” and “visit your loved ones.” Loser.

1. Officer Friendly is still greeting everyone

Just because nobody is on campus doesn’t mean Officer Friendly will stop being Friendly. Throughout the school year Officer Friendly can be seen doing his rounds and greeting everyone along the way. Even though it’s winter break, Officer Friendly can still be seen doing those same rounds and greeting people, even though they’re not there. Sometimes he’ll greet inanimate objects like plants, the promenade or even (statue) Abraham Lincoln. Most of the time, though, he’ll just be waving and saying hello to thin-air. Kind of sad, but who knows, maybe it’s a “Beautiful Mind” type of thing.

2. An architecture student is still living in the studio

We all know architecture students work hard. When we do see them, that’s all they talk about. We also know that they practically live in the Slocum Studios, but one student hasn’t left for break yet, and doesn’t plan on it. He says that he asked his teacher for some extra time on his final assignment because he had been busy not sleeping for his other classes. When his teacher accepted, he got to work. And since he actually hadn’t started the project yet, he still hasn’t finished. It’s gotten pretty bad — the student has set up camp in there and seems to be eating Chef Boyardee for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I’d say “see you next semester,” but we probably won’t.

3. There’s still no place to study at Bird Library

You probably went to Bird Library at some point during finals week and had a tough time finding anywhere to study. Maybe you took one look and left, going back to the confines of your bedroom, or maybe you tried splitting the sea of students sitting in every occupiable space in the library. One thing that you’re missing on campus is that you still will not be able to find a place to sit at Bird Library. Why? Because it’s closed for winter break.

4. The Street Preacher has had a change of heart

He’s jewish now! He was seen respectfully lighting the menorah on all eight nights of Chanukah. Mazel Tov!

That’s what has been going on at SU while you’ve been gone. Bet you can’t wait to leave Mom and Dad telling you to stop making out on the front lawn and come back to all the excitement on campus. Well, I assume this is what’s going on. I’m on vacation.

Sent from my iPhone

Josh Feinblatt is a sophomore Television, Radio, Film major. He lied about this article, it was sent from his blackberry. He can be reached on Twitter @joshfeinblatt or through email at jfeinbla@syr.edu.

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