If you give a student a ticket to Block Party,
she’s going to want to go to Mayfest.

When she decides to go to Mayfest as well as Block Party,
she’ll probably ask you to not let her go “too hard” during the day.

When the day of Mayfest comes,
she’ll post a Snapchat story where she’s drinking during her class.

When you tell her she should stop,
she’ll start drinking more.

After her class is over, she’ll want to pregame with you.

When she asks you to drink with her,
you’ll say yes, but you promise yourself you won’t drink too much.

After you’ve had way too much to drink,
you’ll want to go to Mayfest.

When you both get to Mayfest,
you’ll realize you forgot to make sure your friend hasn’t been drinking too much.

When you see her going way too hard at the Silent Disco
and/or thoroughly enjoying the dining hall burgers being handed out,
you’ll know that you have failed at your job.

When you sit down in the grass in defeat,
you’ll realize how exhausted you are.

When you leave to go take a nap,
you promise yourself you’ll wake up in time for Block Party.

When you wake up hungover at 11 p.m.,
you’ll realize you failed again.

Annabeth Grace Mann is a sophomore film major. Her column appears biweekly. She can be reached at [email protected].

Published on April 23, 2018 at 10:41 pm