Do you have the mumps? Do you love to party? Are you scared people won’t let you into their parties because you have a highly contagious disease?

If you answered, “Yes” to these questions, fear no more because it’s Halloween. You have the perfect opportunity to hide your swollen face under a costume without people knowing it’s diseased.

But having the mumps is no excuse to settle on a boring costume. No, you’re going to look hot. Buckle up, my sickly friends, because I’m about to give you some creative, low-budget costumes that will be perfect for hiding the mumps.

Chipmunk

Going as a deer is officially basic. Instead, go as the deer’s less attractive nephew: the chipmunk. All you need to do is stuff your non-swollen cheek with some gauze until it matches the enlarged opposite one and put on a brown shirt and some funky makeup, and there you have it: a chipmunk with some food in its cheeks, ready for winter.

A person with the mumps

“Haha, oh my god, that’s great,” a random frat guy says.

“Who did your makeup? It’s amazing. Your cheek, I’m dead,” says your friend as you walk into the pregame.

“Best costume by far. Hilarious. I love it,” says a random girl.

These are the responses that your super-realistic mumps costume will get. Just make yourself look a little less sickly than normal, put on a medical gown and mask and just smile and wave.

A sick camel

While camel humps tend to be on their backs, there’s a very rare yet serious disease among camels in which the hump grows on their faces. This costume will not only conceal the mumps, but will also spread awareness about a very serious illness plaguing camels.

Violet Beauregarde

For those of you who don’t know who Violet Beauregarde is, she’s the girl from “Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory” who chews a piece of gum and turns into a blueberry. To pull this costume off, simply wear and paint your face blue, and tell people it’s the beginning of your transformation into the round fruit.

Mumpy, the eighth dwarf

Move over Grumpy, because Snow White’s getting another dwarf. That’s right, an eighth dwarf has joined Snow White’s crew, and his name is “Mumpy.” Unlike the rest of the seven dwarves, “Mumpy” isn’t defined by an overly prevalent personality trait, but rather by a large lump on his cheek. For this costume, simply dress similar to that of the other dwarves and wear the mump proudly.

A punny costume

Everyone loves a good pun — especially drunk college kids. You could be Donald Mump, a “mumpire,” a “mumpkin” or even a “mumpback whale.” The possibilities are endless.

Dress up the mumps

Who said the mumps can’t rock an awesome costume, too? Treat the mumps as your little friend — your partner in crime. You can be a tennis player, they can be your tennis balls. You can be Chancellor Kent Syverud, they can be a little Otto. Just grab some paint and go crazy.

There you have it, mumpy friends. Sneak yourself out of quarantine and get to making these costumes. Just because you have a swollen salivary gland doesn’t mean you can’t have a super Halloween.

Annabeth Grace Mann is a sophomore film major. Her column appears biweekly. She can be reached at [email protected].

Published on October 31, 2017 at 3:11 pm