Thanksgiving is (almost) here! Or as the rest of the country knows it, “that day where I eat way too much and stop thinking about Christmas for 12 hours.” It’s that time where you put marshmallows on everything you can because dammit, people four centuries ago wore weird hats for a reason. Here are my five favorite things you love to hate during your one of your favorite holidays:

Your Uncle Falling Asleep Halfway Through the Day

Like taxes and bleu cheese dressing with hot wings, this is inevitable. Your uncle will pass out after one serving of turkey and three glasses of wine, and he will pass out hard. Rather than marvel at his ability to snore louder than a small chainsaw, use this as an opportunity. Snapchat has created many filters to change the appearance of your face. Use your sleeping uncle as a trial run for the #filters you’re too afraid to try. It’s not just for your MyStory, it’s for OurStory.

Interrogating the New Significant Other

Every year there’s a new one: a boyfriend/girlfriend who makes their first appearance at Thanksgiving dinner. Rather than having awkward small talk about her new job at Citibank, have a little fun with it and spice things up with some rookie hazing. Nothing mean, just some light fun to let that person know they are a welcome addition. The rules are anything you choose, but some of my favorites are: making the new person talk like Yoda the entire day, “pass the gravy, can you?” as well as making the newcomer take a selfie on command.

Pretending you Give a Sh*t About Football

These people need to be recognized. Every year, men like me can’t enjoy a day of family and amazing food without watching men collide into each other for sport as they monopolize the television. These brave souls pretend to know what an “illegal man downfield” means despite being made fun of for not knowing, even though they have never seen the sport in their life. May the force be with all of you.

NAPS, BABY

The best sleep you get all year also happens to be the day where you consume the most turkey and drink the most wine. Weird how that works out.

Reluctantly Playing Board Games

Ah, board games. The thing that fills the time between the turkey and pumpkin pie, and that graceful period when you realize how delightful it really is to talk to your grandmother (she’s truly the best). Or you could be super cool like my family and play Cards Against Humanity. We’re cool because the game has the most dirty words.

Danny Cuneo is a senior television radio, and film major. He has had deep fried turkey, and will never go back. He can be reached at [email protected].

Published on November 18, 2015 at 9:44 pm