Happy Halloween, ghosts and ghouls. I can’t help but feel a pressing civic duty to address the beauty of the Halloween season to the three to five of you still reading this article after that regrettable opening line. With Drake’s 29th birthday behind us, Halloween is objectively the best holiday of the year. There are no rules to this thing, man. The bedrock of Halloween is disguise and deception, a free pass to make the holiday whatever you want.

Parties

Halloween at Syracuse is among an elite class of days that qualifies as a campus-wide party. Think Mayfest, Juice Jam and the first day over 45 degrees in the spring. Some of us are lucky enough to remember that year that Halloween fell on a Wednesday and thereby enabled two weekends of pumpkin-spiced debauchery. Halloween parties are a blast, and I suggest you attend as many of them as possible. I would, however, advise going in with a plan. Wandering around in the freezing cold hunting a huge banger like a promiscuously dressed Captain Ahab (great idea for a costume) is not a good idea. Figure out where you’re going and get there early-ish. Being fashionably late is awesome but I can guarantee they oversold the tickets for the party you spent too much money on. Plan accordingly.

Decorations

The only thing holding Halloween back from being the Holiday Heavyweight Champion is its spooky, gruesome aesthetic. It’s a select few who want their apartment to look like the set of an underfunded Tim Burton film for a few weeks. I am terrible at carving pumpkins, and I think they smell weird anyway. Fortunately, you can just decorate it however you want and say it’s your apartment in costume. Bang. Game changed. Halloween favors those willing to think outside the box. Last year, instead of going pumpkin picking, my roommates and I cut down a hefty Douglas fir and had our stockings up by the end of October. Slap a few gourds on the mantle to appease the purists and you’ve got the best Halloween decorations on the block. Partial to the Fourth of July? Just sprinkle some sparklers and streamers around with the American flag that’s probably already on the wall of your living room.

Costumes

I will only briefly address Halloween’s most important element because my colleague Danny Cuneo already wrote the seminal piece on the matter. “We all can’t splurge on fancy costumes like Princess Kate or Kathy Griffin.” Indeed. But in choosing a costume one should, in my opinion, strive for the extreme. If you like making costumes, go all out. Make your costumes. Show up to a thrift store with an open mind and see if you stumble upon something magical. Otherwise, go in sweats as “Netflix and Chill” or something laughably lazy. Today, I sat behind a girl in class as she ordered a witch costume from Amazon (shudder). Don’t do that.

Candy

Treat yourself, but be sure to reflect on the perils of diabetes and the scourge of childhood obesity currently facing the United States.

Mischief

As a productive member of society, and really just a great guy, I’ve never been one to condone vandalism or the destruction of property. Your friends from New Jersey, however, will convince you there’s something called “Mischief Night” leading up to Halloween and encourage you to throw eggs at cars or something. This only reinforces the fact that people from New Jersey are not to be trusted. I suggest volunteering at a local homeless shelter to counteract their misdeeds.

Happy holidays, everyone. I can only hope that my experiences help you reach a suitable equilibrium between tricks and treats in this most sacred holiday season. Dibs on being Drake.

Evan Hohenwarter is a senior advertising major who is almost as modest as he is handsome. He can be reached at [email protected] or on Twitter at @evanhohmbre.

Published on October 27, 2015 at 8:21 pm