The Daily Orange never should’ve hired me.

I’d never written a story. When asked what my favorite feature story was, I couldn’t think of one. I was wearing a decorative scarf and I’m confident that’s what got me hired.

I’ve learned some good things — the best way to edit an enterprise, the most engaging way to run a section — and some bad: Five hours of sleep in three days is absolutely unhealthy.

I learned that to spend 30 hours a week with the same people outside of class, it’s necessary to get drunk and weird with them, even if Sunday production’s a b*tch.

Future D.O.-ers: Don’t do it unless you’re sure you want to. It’ll be a lot of work and you’ll wonder if the masochism is worth it. Remember, you’re a college student. Don’t take yourself too seriously.

Dad: I’m sorry I didn’t work for Sports.

DoomForce: I realized how much I missed playing Frisbee (plus additional shenanigans) with you, and even if it has meant I pretty much haven’t slept since January, I’m so glad I’ve gotten back into it. #Teamwidepole

Management: It wasn’t until this semester that I appreciated what a great job you’ve done. I was so close to leaving, but you convinced me to stay. Mark, I’m going to keep sending you Jay-Z things. Laurence, I found my twin, and one of the most trustworthy people I’ve met.

KatKim: You brought me into this world! I’ll never forget what you did for me and what I learned from you.

Klinger: I’m sorry I never ran the Mumford and Sons story. It wasn’t meant to be.

Iseman: You were always there when I needed to rush through budget. And you were the best darts captain I could’ve asked for.

Dara: Doctor, cat’s out of the bag — I idolize you. I keep it together because I’m aware of the other Dara, the pie baker who will coax you into watching “Smash” when you just want to take a nap.

Newman: You’re smart, beautiful and you know who could and couldn’t get it. I think you’ll kill it as news editor.

Samsie: Everyone will rave about how talented you are, but I just want to mention that I love your hugs and how you made me feel better when I needed it.

Luke: Perspectives have never been so fun.

Rachael: I think you’ve done an amazing job. I can’t wait to be real-life friends.

Bear: It was hard transitioning to you being part time. I’ve missed you more than I’ll admit in person. I think the sitcom needs work, but there’s an 11 o’clock slot opening up at UPN.

Bids: I know your tenure didn’t end the way you wanted it to, but I’m so glad I had time with you. I learned so much and spent so many nights laughing with you.

Claire: Whenever I see Seicho-Bob, I get a pang of sadness. I’m sorry for what happened, but I really enjoyed getting to know you.

Joe: I’m mad you didn’t do your Quinceñera dance, but I think you’re one of the more talented people here. I call you the Future of Feature behind your back.

Avery: You’ve been my partner in crime and one person who might just be as f*cked up as me. Bad b*tches. I’ve loved having you here. You’re also crazy talented and don’t get enough credit for that. I want to see you so much next spring.

Erik: My right-hand Vandy man. Not a day went by at the beginning of this semester that I didn’t miss you, and then fate brought you back! Don’t stop writing about music, and don’t ever stop being my friend.

Casey: People asked if it was strange how much Pulp and News worked together, but it always was a pleasure. One of the things that makes me saddest about leaving is missing the chance to see you take the reins. You’ll do an amazing job. #aboutthatlife

Micah: I love all-nighters studying with you. I love your illustrations, the music videos only you and I appreciate, how you suddenly became one of my favorite people in life. And I love how cool you are about me doing your mom.

Eltagouri: It was weird not seeing you every night. I loved when you designed, but missed the frantic nightly ad office meetings. I’m so lucky I get to share every night with you when we’re roommates who actually hang out in their apartment (Shout out to other roomie!).

SBF: There are things I could say that people don’t know, but those stories should be kept secret forever — though I’ll never forget that fateful walk from South to Main at sunrise. There are few people who understand me the way you do. I call dibs on you, forever.

Seymour: We both had to raise sections from the ashes last semester. That’s only one of the reasons I think of you as such a close comrade in house. I’ll never forget when I gave you that name and you gave me the confidence boost I needed. Love you. We’re done here.

Lizzie: You became one of my best friends this semester. I think it had to do with our mutual understanding that sometimes it’s OK to give up (yikes). I think you’ve done an awesome job as PD. Confession: You’re the reason I lingered.

Kristin: I wanted to be the cute new copy editor who was a decently good writer. You traipsed in, cuter and a better writer. Then we went to our first party and I realized how great friends we could be and f*ck, we’d never work on the same nights. But we did this semester, and you got me through all of them. I made the changes I wanted to Feature, but I know you’ll make it way better.

TFB and ARK: You’ve been the biggest force in making me miss home while working. You’re also the two who made me happiest when you read the paper, even if it’s only because I slipped a masturbation joke in. I wish I’d been able to spend more time with you, but I can honestly say any time the choice has been mine, I’ve chosen you. The nights I’ve gotten to sit at the dining room set (even that time I broke it …) and laugh with you have been my favorites of the year. You’re my two favorite people in the world and I hope I’ve been half as great a roommate to the two of you as you’ve been to me.

Published on April 30, 2013 at 12:21 pm

Contact Chelsea: [email protected] | @CDeBaise124