CORRECTION: In a previous version of this column, the date the United States had the highest porn traffic was misstated. The highest level of porn traffic was on Dec. 27. The Daily Orange regrets this error. 

What’s special about Dec. 27, apart from Christmas being over and everyone feeling fat and a bit depressed? Packing away the tree, and your old Aunt Margaret to her bungalow, means it’s time for a porn party.

Sounds un-festive, but the stats don’t lie. In a recent study by PornHub.com, researchers found the highest porn traffic was on the day after Boxing Day. In contrast, Christmas Day and Independence Day mark two of the quietest days in the porn calendar.

As a New Yorker for at least part of the year, be proud of your porn stats.Another recent survey by PornHub.com found that New Yorkers are prime Internet porn clients, eating up 7.5 videos a year.

The East Coast hosts the entire top 10 of porn-consuming states, according to PornHub.com figures. At first glance, Washington, D.C. residents consume almost double the amount of porn compared to other states. However, its dense, urban geography is probably making D.C. look kinkier than it is. Hawaii is the geographic outlier in the top 10 with residents consuming 7.57 videos annually.

But what is porn doing to your sex life? How wrong can you go from watching primed and plucked specimens really going for it with tree trunk-sized implements?

Very wrong is the answer. And not the good kind of wrong. Take my friend’s male friend who we’ll call Mr. Nail. Nearing 20 and the owner of a penis that had yet to experience the pleasure of hitting a vaginal wall, Mr. Nail’s sole experience with sex was through porn – which is where he learned the “squat and drill.”

One fateful night, Mr. Nail finally found a willing female at a college bar. He took her back to his college dorm, stripped off any fabric barriers and told the girl to spread her legs. He then assumed what gym go-ers know as the squat position above the girl, and proceeded to squat and drill, squat and drill.

I doubt the “squat and drill” has any sort of orgasm potential attached to it.

And that’s the porn catch. Porn is, in many cases, a dream for extremes. PornHub.com reported its most popular subject matter to be teen, lesbian and “MILF.” Sure, everyone should aim to snag a hot, single mother or have a threesome so intense that someone falls out of the bed. But for the majority of porn consumers, what they look for on the Internet isn’t real sex — it’s dream sex.

Men who watch porn have a greater desire for dirty talk, domination, sex toys and hairless women, according to a recent study of college students in the Journal of Sex Research. While I would advocate for some kink, include it in a balanced diet of establishing and developing normal relationships. Don’t underestimate the power of missionary. Or even a hug.

The effects of porn are powerful. The 2008 NeuroImage journal found that men who watch erotic images undergo “mirror neuron activation” in their brains, meaning they have a desire to parrot the big boys on screen. That’s why the “squat and drill” turns up in the real world — and leaves everyone disappointed.

Don’t go ditching your real-life sexual partner for a URL. Men’s Health Magazine recently ran a story about research from the Journal of Sexual Health that found a link between porn and depression. Some men are literally choosing fantasy over reality. Porn as an isolated activity can hurt a living, breathing relationship. However, the same researchers found that couples had the happiest relationships when both people in the relationship watched porn.

So, the moral of the story is: just do it. Like porn, but love sex more. Have it, don’t just watch it. There’s nothing taboo about catching a porno instead of Redbox. Just don’t expect your boyfriend to willingly use a penis clamp, or your girlfriend to bend over backward to accommodate your new drilling technique.

Iona Holloway is a senior magazine journalism and psychology major. She recently found out her Christian mother reads her columns occasionally #blushingeverywhere. Email her at [email protected] or follow her on Twitter @ionaholloway.

Published on January 15, 2013 at 11:44 pm