Jake Gyllenhaal. Joe Jonas. John Mayer. Once they were just famous heartthrobs with pretty steady careers. Then they decided to date Taylor Swift.

Now they’re the root of countless breakup songs and Internet gossip. This week, Swift released her newest song, “State of Grace.”

“Grace,” along with the other tracks of her album “Red,” including, “I Knew You Were Trouble” and “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together,” have sparked intensely hot debates.

When we little people break up with someone, all we get to do is write a whiny Facebook status. When celebrity musicians go through relationship ups and downs, they get to write a hit song about it.

And just like the usual social media creep, we get to watch it all unfold.

In Swift’s case, we get to gossip about which sexy brooding ex she’s crooning about in her newest single. Bloggers and fans can spend weeks decoding lyrics and comparing relationship timelines.

Last week rapper Kanye West released his newest song, the wedding themed “White Dress.” Obviously, everyone immediately questioned whether West decided to put a ring on girlfriend Kim Kardashian.

There he goes taking Swift’s thunder again.

West raps, “Even though I met you in the club in a tight dress, at first sight I could picture you in a white dress.”

“White Dress” may not even be about West’s love life. The song was written for fellow rapper RZA’s first feature-length film, “The Man With The Iron First,” staring Russell Crowe.

But that doesn’t mean we can’t speculate until the cows come home. When our friends go from “in a relationship” to “single” on Facebook, we instantly shoot them a text.

Maybe we might have the bucket of Ben & Jerry’s ready just out of the goodness of our heart. But it’s a lot more likely we’re hoping that through the tears and romantic-comedy movie marathons, our dear old pal may spill exactly what led to the split.

Any and all juicy or scandalous tidbits are welcomed and encouraged.

Sappy pop songs from our favorite tabloid celebrities are very similar — just without the Cherry Garcia ice cream party.

We watch famous couples’ entire relationship arcs through the lens of People and TMZ. Just like with our real-life acquaintances, we see the beginning flirtation. There’s the poorly shot post-first date paparazzi photo, followed by a few more awkward sightings around Los Angeles.

Before we know it, they’re proudly walking down Rodeo Drive holding hands and wearing matching incognito sunglasses. That’s the closest you can get to an “in a relationship” announcement on Facebook.

Once they start churning out music, we’re pinning it on their newest relationship. We need to figure out if they’re still blissfully in the honeymoon stage or if there’s trouble in paradise.

For Swift, you can always expect a breakup song. West produces a mixed bag, but at least from “Wedding Bells,” we’re waiting for a proposal.

Obviously, we’re not friends with these chart-topping celebrities, but with the amount of access we have to them, it sure feels like it. Not only do we see them all over gossip websites, but their music gives us direct insight into their relationships.

All in all this is a pretty solid deal. Fans get to speculate while musicians like Swift rake in iTunes sales.

The only person left holding the awkward bag is the unfortunate ex that the song is written about. Here’s looking at you, John Mayer.

Ariana Romero is a junior magazine journalism and political science major. Her column appears every week. She can be reached at [email protected] or followed on Twitter at @ArianaRomero17. 

 

Published on October 18, 2012 at 1:00 am