2/5 Popcorns

In his spare time, our storied 16th president enjoyed picnics with his wife, playing with his kids and hacking vampires to bits with a silver-tipped axe.  Or at least that’s the portrait “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter” paints of ol’ Honest Abe.

Based on the Seth Grahame-Smith bestseller, this amusing genre mash-up doesn’t have much substance. It lacks a decent script, a coherent plot or almost any historical accuracy. But, that’s hardly the point.

The story follows Lincoln, played by newcomer Benjamin Walker, on a hidden vendetta against the vampire race slowly invading the nation under the guise of the Confederacy. Abe’s hatred of bloodsuckers starts during childhood when one kills his mother. He learns the art of vamp killing from a mysteriously charming friend named Henry, played by Dominic Cooper, and sets off on his legislative career with a secret mission.

As he climbs the political ladder and woos Mary Todd, played by Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Lincoln covertly racks up an impressive body count. The plot jumps abruptly from a young, clean-shaven Abe to the bearded commander-in-chief, as Lincoln tries to finish off the vampires led by Adam, played by Rufus Sewell, in the backdrop of the bloody Civil War.

The film tries playing it straight, boasting dark Civil War landscapes on an impressive visual scale. But Lincoln’s grisly fighting and killing have a sense of over-the-top hilarity, resembling the campy violence of a Quentin Tarantino film. The performances are pleasant enough; the film’s young cast does its best with a bare-bones script and progressively heavier elderly makeup.

Walker plays Lincoln with a natural likeability, transitioning well from the awkwardly charming but impulsive youngster to the brave and passionate president. He speaks with confidence, embodying the accomplished orator in famous speeches, including the Emancipation Proclamation and Gettysburg Address. Plus, he kicks a ton of vampire ass.

Mary Todd Lincoln isn’t given much to do besides look pretty and pretend not to know what her husband is really up to.Winstead is underutilized but does her best in the role, developing good chemistry with Walker and enjoying a brief taste of action late in the film.

Timur Bekmambetov, director of “Wanted,” has a flair for gory action. He has a creative sensibility for staging complex fight scenes that are often so ridiculous it’s hard not to laugh. In one scene, Lincoln chases a vampire through a stampede jumping from horse to horse, and finishes him off with the butt of his axe, which doubles as a pistol.

The axe-wielding assassin also cuts down scores of vampires during a southern ball, on top of a moving train, and gives one unlucky vampire a silver-punch to the heart on a burning bridge. The action culminates in cannon fire and hand-to-hand combat against the vampire horde during the imposing Battle of Gettysburg.

The gaps in historical accuracy are hard to ignore, especially when realizing Lincoln’s only White House staff members are his two best friends: Will, played by Anthony Mackie, and Speed, played by Jimmi Simpson. There are a few nods to important figures like Harriet Tubman and Confederate president Jefferson Davis, but the most important events are glossed over.

Lincoln’s cheesy voice-over fades in and out as he narrates the secret diary from which the “untold story” comes, but at a certain point the plot doesn’t much matter anymore. This film is entirely about Abraham Lincoln killing and maiming vampires in entertaining ways, and it’s a spectacular success in that way.

Those looking for any more than mindless, blood-soaked fun will be sorely disappointed. But filmgoers shouldn’t expect a masterpiece from a movie called “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter.”

Published on June 29, 2012 at 1:06 pm

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