Well, I’m back out of retirement and from a semester abroad, ready to offer my weekly take on the Syracuse sports scene. That’s all the introduction we need; let’s get down to business.

By now, you know all about the summer that was and all the big Orange-related stories. (Keith Cieplicki wasn’t the man for the women’s basketball job? You don’t say.) So with those in the book, let’s look ahead to the fall with a preview and predictions you’ll only find in this column space.

[Bullet] The SU football team will go 0-12 this year, making last year’s squad of futility a mere afterthought in the storied lore of Orange pigskin. SU averaged a whimpering 13.8 points a game last year, the fourth-lowest average in all of Division I-A. And that included Damien Rhodes, the only decent threat the offense possessed. While the Orange lost Rhodes, the receivers are as suspect as ever and you can all get ready for Year 3 of the Perry Patterson Pickoff Party – lest we forget, Syracuse’s starting QB has thrown 21 interceptions against 13 touchdowns in his career.

The Moss on the field is distantly related to Randy, but it’s just Rice. Paul Chiara and Boonah Brinkley can’t replace Rhodes just yet, let alone follow in the ‘Legend of Foooooourty Four’ running back mythos. And safety Anthony Smith, the only man worth watching on last year’s team, is busy on special teams for the defending Super Bowl champions.

Honestly, I don’t expect the Orange to go winless. But hey, I’m still getting over the emotional scars of my Oct. 6 prediction last year in this very paper, when I said SU would win its next five games. As we all know, the Orange lost its next seven to finish the season 1-10. So this time, I hold a grudge. I say it won’t win a game. If they do, it’s just a matter of outperforming expectations.

Hey, at least Brendan Carney is still around. Kids, buy your season tickets to catch the best punter in the Big East!

[Bullet] Forget about football, though, because the real autumn powerhouse on the SU athletics scene is the field hockey team. Now I know SU didn’t send you any forms for field hockey tickets over the summer when they mailed you overpriced offers to catch some real Go-Orange, Carrier Dome excitement. But this team should be worth more than the price of game admission – which just so happens to be free.

Big East coaches ranked the Orange third of seven Big East teams in their preseason poll and SU has made it to the conference tourney semifinals in back-to-back years. The Orange plays two home Friday games (Sept. 22 vs. Louisville and Oct. 13 vs. Providence), so what would be the harm in hitting up happy hour, heading to Coyne Field and then stumbling back to the bars?

[Bullet] Anybody still suffering from a World Cup hangover (me) looking to ease the pain came to the wrong place (damn). Syracuse hasn’t produced the best soccer the last few years – a combined 37-57-16 regular season record for the men’s and women’s teams the last three seasons – and 2006 won’t be much different.

With Ezra Prendergast and his sick dreadlocks graduated, the only reason to watch the coaches’ preseason No. 14 Orange in the 16-team Big East is goalie Robert Cavicchia. The SU keeper is an octopus with cleats coming off an unbelievable season and he’s just a sophomore.

As for the ladies, SU is in a rebuilding stage on the field. Off the field, though, they have arguably the best coach on the Hill. Pat Farmer reminds you of the beer-and-pizza-loving grandfather you never had. Well, now you have him, but drinks are on you.

[Bullet] Really, the Syracuse fall lineup is about as weak as ABC’s. Not much to pass the time until underachieving basketball and underrated lacrosse seasons, so I have just a few more random tidbits to get you ready for fall athletics.

The only thing I know about the cross country team is that Dave Wishart is a nice guy, has represented team Canada at cross country junior world championships and shaves his legs before every race.

SU swimming has its one and only home fall meet on Oct. 13 against Colgate, so don’t plan a post-workout dip at Archibold that day.

Volleyball has turned in some very good teams the last few seasons, but has lost six starters to graduation and will most definitely suffer.

Reading this over, the fall season looks kind of bleak for you Syracuse athletics fans.

But who knows, maybe the football team makes an against-all-odds run at the Orange Bowl, field hockey wins a conference crown, the soccer teams thrill like Manchester United and tennis schedules an impromptu home match.

Nah.