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Last January, Rufus Sivaroshan traveled over 9,200 miles to the U.S. to begin their first semester at Syracuse University, leaving behind the only life they had ever known in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. The only constant they held onto during this enormous transition was their burgeoning music career — which, incidentally, was the primary motivation pushing Sivaroshan to pack up their life and cross the globe.

Sivaroshan began producing music under the stage name a kid named rufus in 2019, releasing a handful of pensive singles on Spotify in the first two years of their music career, followed by their first EP, “graduation,” in 2021. Now, they’re planning to move their career into the next phase by releasing their first full-length album, “whatever works,” inspired by the drastic changes they’ve experienced in their life since moving to the U.S., including a journey of self-discovery and struggles they’ve faced in their transition to adulthood.

“‘Whatever works’ talks about everything from being a broke college student, to trying weed for the first time, to hook up culture. Queerness, anxiety, being in relationships, breaking up with someone — everything that I’ve experienced, you get little glimpses of it,” Sivaroshan said. “Everything’s been different, and I have to sort through that, so there’s been a lot to write about.”

After graduating from high school in 2020, Sivaroshan deferred their admission to SU by a semester, choosing instead to devote time to writing and producing music. Music had fascinated them from a young age — an interest encouraged by their mother, who urged them to participate in traditional Indian music performances to practice their half-Indian culture.

Sivaroshan spent much of their early childhood singing, winning several competitions, and at 14 began to expand their musical talent by learning acoustic guitar and teaching themself to produce music. Sivaroshan initially toyed around with acoustic textures in a more mainstream context, inspired by Ed Sheeran and his use of a loop station that allowed him to record a short guitar instrumental and have it repeat in the background while he sang or played other instrumental parts. But Sivaroshan then moved away from mimicking Sheeran’s stripped, acoustic style and embraced a pop style that soon melted into soft indie pop.

In March 2019, while Sivaroshan was a sophomore in high school, they decided to release their first song on Spotify, “Fine,” which delivers an uplifting message about overcoming obstacles through floaty, melodic vocals and a driving beat.

But it wasn’t until a few months later, in July, when they would have their first major success with their second single, “useless.” The song — which details an unhealthy, crumbling romantic relationship, the melancholy lyrics conflicting with an upbeat instrumental track — exploded in popularity on Spotify only a week after its release. It was also added to two Spotify playlists — “Lorem,” a popular playlist designed to cater to a younger, quirky audience, and “Fresh Finds,” which spotlights up-and-coming independent artists.

At only 16, Sivaroshan found themself thrust into the music industry. The number of daily streams of “useless” ballooned from roughly 200 to over 20,000.

“People in Malaysia weren’t [the ones] streaming my music,” Sivaroshan said. “It was people in the U.S. and Canada and the U.K. that became my biggest markets in a week, at the snap of your fingers.”

They quickly became overwhelmed by their sudden success as music labels, managers and other artists began reaching out to them, asking to work with them or collaborate on music.

“That’s one of the downsides with virality. No one prepares you for it, so that when you’re dealing with it, it’s a clusterf*ck of emotions, basically,” they said. “You have to figure out everything on the fly, and you don’t know in the moment if what you’re making is a good or bad decision. You just go off your gut and the limited amount of knowledge that you [have].”

Following their breakthrough single, Sivaroshan made the decision to study at SU in the Bandier Program. Their determination to leave home and move halfway around the world for university was only natural.

“My parents specifically raised me and my sister to leave Malaysia,” they said. “They were always like, ‘You’re going to find a better quality of life elsewhere.’ That’s why I’m here.”

Sivaroshan never intends to move back to Malaysia. The country’s government is infamously conservative, with Penal Code 377 criminalizing gay sex and Sharia law, the Islamic legal system, forbidding any type of gender nonconformity that contradicts the sex assigned to a person at birth. According to OutRight International, a LGBTQIA+ human rights organization, “(LGBTQIA+) Malaysians are subject to arbitrary arrests, assault, extortion, and violations of their privacy by police and public officials,” as well as conversion therapy and censorship.

Although Sivaroshan never received any exposure to the small pockets of LGBTQ communities in Malaysia, they knew before moving to the U.S. that they were queer. They never fit in with their male classmates, preferring to participate in traditionally “feminine” activities like music and art when their classmates were pressuring them into sports like football or basketball.

However, it wasn’t until their first year at SU that they became truly pained by the idea of identifying as male after witnessing the toxic masculinity inherent among their male classmates at the university, which led them to begin to identify as nonbinary.

“Even in my time in Malaysia, which was overtly homophobic, I had never seen those kinds of [bigoted] responses to anything. Those kinds of stigmas,” Sivaroshan said of the behavior they witnessed from male students at SU. “That was kind of my tipping point. I definitely did not see myself as male, because it literally broke me inside to be associated with [that] and I just couldn’t do it anymore.”

Sivaroshan came out as nonbinary to their close friends in October, and a few months later told their classmates in the Bandier Program. Their friends and classmates quickly embraced their identity, but officially coming out and officially switching their pronouns to they/them was still slightly nerve-wracking for Sivaroshan, who had never met anyone who was nonbinary until moving to the U.S. They also knew that any gender identity that deviated from the male-female binary could be punished in Malaysia with assault and imprisonment.

Emma Kelly | Design Editor

Since coming out, Sivaroshan has felt more liberated to experiment with their appearance, learning from their friends how to apply eyeshadow and other makeup, buying clothes from the women’s section at thrift stores and growing out their hair to the longest it’s ever been.

Gender identity and sexuality is a central theme on “whatever works,” along with the impacts of several other significant changes in their life since leaving Malaysia. Moving to the U.S. and navigating the immigration process alone thrust them abruptly into adulthood, requiring them to secure a Social Security number and establish a bank account.

Over the past several months, they’ve trudged through the lengthy process of extending their Visa to stay in the U.S. after finishing their studies while simultaneously deciding to make music their full-time career and signing with a record label — not to mention juggling the responsibilities of being a junior in college.

Choosing to formally dedicate themselves to their music career made them especially anxious, after being raised in a culture where “pursuing anything that’s avant-garde, especially the music business or being an artist, is super weird. Everyone’s very concerned about [job] security and stability.”

But the success of “graduation” coupled with the knowledge of the music industry they’ve gained from their major, spurred Sivaroshan to commit themselves to their music career and officially work with a record label.

Now, four years after releasing their first single, they spend several weekends per semester traveling around the U.S., especially to Los Angeles, to produce promotional content and work on “whatever works” while also learning about the industry at SU

“Everything that we’re learning in class [is] happening to me in real time,” they said.

Sivaroshan is extremely proud of the work they’ve accomplished with “whatever works.” The album represents a transitional period in their life, both in terms of approaching age 20 and leaving their adolescence behind and adopting a new musical style more in-line with experimental alternative sounds rather than indie pop.

“I’ve been trying to be more creative and make something I enjoy in the moment,” they said, scrolling through their recently-played artists on Spotify. Along with more mainstream indie artists such as Tame Impala and Dominic Fike, they highlighted NYC-based artist Sipper and Filipino singer-songwriter Eyedress.

Above all, for Sivaroshan, the most important aspect of “whatever works” is faithfully representing the different aspects of their identity — both their struggles and their personal growth — to help others going through similar changes feel represented.

“I have a unique story, and I want to be able to tell it in-depth, because I know that there are people like me – queer people, people that are non-citizens navigating this stuff, non-binary people, people suffering through mental health issues,” they said. “I want ‘whatever works’ to be a good example. I want to represent those communities as best as I can, and make it the best work I can.”

Published on November 16, 2022 at 11:07 pm

Contact Gillian: [email protected]