When I woke up to hear the terrible news of what transpired in (insert name of American city/town here), I was disgusted by this horrific act of violence, and the tragic loss of (insert number of people killed here) lives. People who were simply there for (insert school, religious activity or entertainment event, i.e. movie or concert etc.) instead were subjected to this massacre.

My thoughts and prayers are with the victims and the people of (insert name of American city/town here). These are our (insert one or more family position here, i.e. mothers, fathers, siblings, children, grandparents, etc.) and their loss will continue to impact families for generations.

I also thank the (insert name of American city/town here) Police Department and first responders for their courage and heroism in the face of this attack. Without their efforts, I do not doubt many more lives would have been lost. (Insert line about sacrifice if one or more police officers/first responders was killed or injured).

The people of (insert name of American city/town here) are strong, resilient Americans, and I know they will withstand this tragedy and come back stronger from it. They have the full faith and support of the country, and we will do everything in our power to help them to recover and more forward. God bless the people of (insert name of American city/town here), and God bless America. Thank you.

If the above paragraphs sound familiar to you, you’re not alone. I have a theory these paragraphs are written out on some sticky notes on the corner of the president’s secretary’s computer, or maybe as a Word document, so it’s easier to fill in the blanks for a press release each time there’s another mass shooting.

Every time some guy with an overpowered gun and a million-round clip of ammunition walks into a public place and starts slaughtering people because of their religion, sexual orientation, ethnicity or just because they can, some junior deputy communications intern in the White House has the job of pulling this document up, filling in the blanks, peppering in some adjectives and sending it up the line.

We manufacture condolences like we manufacture bullets: clinically, uniformly and, most importantly, in rapid succession. We’re told not to “politicize” the tragedy out of respect for the victims, which is another way of saying we should not discuss how to prevent events like mass shootings from happening again.

While I’m not holding my breath on any sort of sensible gun reform bills even being discussed sometime soon, I probably have the lung capacity to make it to the next mass shooting.

Cole Jermyn is a senior environmental resource engineering major at SUNY-ESF. His column appears biweekly. He can be reached at [email protected] and followed on Twitter @cjermyn8.

Published on October 2, 2017 at 9:03 pm