RedheadsMore Sass than Sassafrassquatch

Redheads have had a powerful effect on the world, especially considering that red is the least common color of hair. It is the very nature of their fiery legacy and composure that captures the attention of all matter of individuals, and writers are no exception. Maybe it is the mystique of being so rare that causes such wild speculation as to the disposition of the elusive ‘redhead.’ So we’ll add to the tradition by celebrating the feisty follicles with some speculation of our own.

Even though scientists have isolated the specific genetic variation for red hair, it is unclear how human hair could be so drastically altered. Although this is contested by intelligent design supporters, the most commonly accepted explanation is dubbed the ‘fraggle theory.’ According to the fraggle theory, a mythical ginger culture living underground with great powers of sun burning and gold mining emerged and started a colony amongst the Celtic people. Once rising to the surface, scientists changed the taxonomy from ‘Fragglus Erectus’ to ‘Leprechaunus Sapiens.’ The Leprechauno culture merged with the early Celtic peoples and was assimilated into the Genome.

Early medieval alchemists conjectured that like the color of their hair, redheads were akin to the fire element. Renaissance thinkers like Galileo attempted to disprove these theories. As per the normal doctrine of the time, those ‘learned’ men claiming that the high occurrence of sass in redheads was a coincidence and in no way related to a ‘fire element,’ were easily labeled heretics and, ironically, burned at the stake.

Redhead leaders have also had a profound effect on the makeup of the new world, too. Contrary to popular belief, Erik the Red, the first European on the American continent, was not named because of his bold fashion sense and flare for decorating longboats, but instead because of his iconic red hair. Historians, though, are still unclear as to whether it was his redheaded temperament that propelled his success, or simply being the only redheaded Norseman in a sea of blondes.

Whatever it is about redheads, the simple indefinable truths will continue to capture the attention of alchemists, writers, Hollywood producers, investigative journalists and even vikings for centuries to come.