Column: Female advice for struggling men

Would the male population of SU please listen up? I’m about to save your lives.

Guys always complain they don’t understand girls, but we’re not actually that complicated. Since you’re baffled, I’m here to offer you 10 tips on how to handle the opposite sex.

I may not be the hottest or smartest girl around, but for now, I’m your only hope. So start taking notes.

1) Give up the power in your relationship right away. The sooner you admit to being whipped, the better off you’ll be.

2) Accept the fact girls tell their friends everything. I mean everything. And don’t do anything stupid or her entire dorm floor will know about it within the hour.



3) Girls can twist your words around. It’s a talent you will never develop so quit trying. If you find yourself with your foot in your mouth, save yourself by complimenting her. It works.

4) Don’t say the word ‘fat’ even in the vicinity of your girlfriend. And remember, we can twist your words. So don’t be surprised if you get the phrase ‘Are you calling me fat?’ thrown at you. If you get stuck, see rule three for the compliment quick fix.

5) Never ask a girl what she wants for her birthday. We like to be surprised. And when we say ‘nothing,’ translate that as ‘something amazing.’ Get nothing and you’ll be in trouble.

6) Girls like to fish for compliments. Just humor us and remind us how gorgeous we are. Putting ourselves down should be your cue to bring us back up.

7) If you witness your girlfriend dancing on top of a bar mimicking a strip show, she’s not being disloyal –– she’s being cool. Instead of taming your girlfriend, be grateful she knows how to party.

8) When you ask a girl what’s wrong and she says ‘Nothing,’ she really means something. And if you ask her if you can go out with the guys and she replies, ‘It’s fine,’ it’s not. Learn the code.

9) Sometimes we just don’t feel like fooling around. Deal with it and don’t force us, or we’ll end up resenting you. After all, that’s what your porno collection and right hand are for.

10) We’re always right. Always.

Follow these 10 rules and you’ll be well on your way to a successful relationship. Don’t worry guys, you’ll learn.

Laura Kelly is a sophomore public relations and English textual studies major. E-mail her at [email protected].





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