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Toxic positivity is real, and it’s especially dangerous during the coronavirus pandemic.

People think of being overly pessimistic or cynical as being toxic. But thinking that you must always be positive and that you can’t feel any negative emotions is just as toxic. It’s like when you have too much ice cream: although it initially makes you feel good, it can make you sick if you overdo it.

“Toxic positivity is when people fall into the trap of thinking that positive, happy emotions are better than other emotions like grief, sadness and fear,” said Katie Kidwell, an assistant professor of psychology at Syracuse University. “We think we are supposed to feel happy all the time, but this isn’t true.”

When people think they should have a positive mindset in all situations because all negative emotions are inherently dangerous, that’s toxic positivity. The mindset can take many forms, often encompassing platitudes such as “it is what it is” and “just change your outlook to be happy.”

While maintaining a sunny disposition despite stressors can be important, the overuse of positivity can harm people’s mental health. Too much positivity can also be counterproductive, as it can ultimately cause the very suffering it aims to end. When people don’t allow themselves to feel certain emotions, their authentic emotional experiences are silenced.

Toxic positivity can deny and invalide the human experience, said Afton Kapuscinski, director of the Psychological Services Center at SU and an assistant teaching professor of psychology.

“We naturally want to make others feel better when they are hurting, but telling someone that ‘it could be worse’ or ‘look on the bright side’ is rarely helpful because it is experienced as minimizing their feelings,” she said.

Repressing emotions can end up hurting people in the long run. Some people might avoid their anger or sadness by withdrawing from others or by drinking alcohol, Kapuscinski said. These behaviors can result in mental health problems over time, as avoidance can generally lead to anxiety and sadness.

“By over-emphasizing insincere happiness and trying to avoid feeling anxiety or grief, our negative feelings can become louder,” Kidwell said.

A lot of people are now experiencing toxic positivity. Social media is flooded with messages about how to take advantage of quarantine, online learning and social distancing. But because everyone reacts differently to grief, loss and stress, the promotion of “positive vibes” increases the pressure to be productive during a time when some people are simply trying to make it through the day.

Stories of Isaac Newton inventing calculus while social distancing during the Great Plague have circulated, Kidwell said, which adds pressure to not only survive but thrive during the pandemic. By adopting unrealistic perspectives, people often end up feeling even worse if they can’t follow the positive messages they’re reciting to themselves or measure up to the standards placed on them.

The effect of toxic positivity varies depending on a given person’s level of stress, but “suppressing more intense feelings is more likely to cause problems if it occurs repeatedly over time,” Kapuscinski said.

It’s okay not to be okay. Some days will be harder than others, and people need to accept whatever their current situation is without adding extra pressure or judgement. It may not be realistic for people to expect to learn skills and make the most of their time in quarantine, Kidwell said.

Negative emotions such as sadness, anxiety, loneliness and fear are a basic part of life. That’s why it’s important to have healthy ways to cope with painful feelings. Toxic positivity is one of the most harmful ways people can deal with negative emotions.

People must feel the full range of their emotions, process them and move on to have the full human experience, Kidwell said. The goal is to acknowledge and accept all of your emotions rather than be happy all the time.

“Being a willing witness to darker feelings is validating and, usually, a more effective form of support,” Kapuscinski said.

To combat toxic positivity, Kidwell suggests being aware of the language you use with friends and family. People should re-evaluate the language they’re using if they catch themselves offering reassurance with statements that start with “you should be grateful,” or “at least,” she said.

Kapuscinski also recommends talking through unpleasant or uncomfortable feelings with someone. Other strategies include journaling, exercising, using meditation and mindfulness strategies, learning communication skills to manage conflict with others and finding a therapist, she said.

“If you keep brushing problems under the rug, you eventually start to trip over those lumps. For many people who seek treatment, their suppressed emotional experiences make up those lumps,” Kapuscinski said.

Jenna Wirth is a junior studying magazine journalism. Her column appears bi-weekly. She can be reached at [email protected]. She can be followed on Twitter at @jenna__wirth.

Published on November 4, 2020 at 9:01 pm