Freshman Wilson Schmitt can be heard in room 301 at 8:15 every night telling his mom on the phone “everything is fine.” But in reality, nothing is fine. In the eyes of Schmitt, everything is terrible, but his mom can’t know that.

“She worries a lot,” Wilson said about his mother. “I tried to put on a brave face and enjoy it here, but after my first day of classes, I figured lying to her would be easier.”

Schmitt has not had the best time during his freshman year.

“I’ve met my school dean a bunch of times, so I guess that’s pretty cool,” Schmitt said. “But other than orientation, none of those were good meetings. Wait, actually, orientation wasn’t very good either.”

Freshman year can be rough, but there are resources on campus to accommodate everyone — especially freshmen making that tough transition to college life. The closest resource freshmen have is the one living on their floor, their residence advisor. Schmitt’s RA doesn’t have the most confidence his first year experience, though.

“I’m surprised he didn’t transfer after the first semester. I mean, I’ve never seen a kid hate pretty much everything about their experience so much. Most kids aren’t making friends or dislike their classes, but he just hates everything. And it seems like without any reason,” said Schmitt’s RA, Katy.

Often roommate conflict is the biggest source of problems in a freshman’s life, but according to Schmitt’s roommate, Jeff Towns, there aren’t any issues.

“I’m not a bad roommate at all, I think he just hates this place. I bet he complains about me, but I offer to buy him food, I’m friendly and quiet when he’s here, and I’m super clean, so if he does have a problem with me, then I’m not sure what it could be,” he said.

But everything just isn’t going well for Schmitt, and from the first time you meet him, the scowl on his face combined with his slumped body language is enough to give you a good clue.

“Look, maybe this just isn’t the place for me. I can’t pinpoint what it is, but I don’t like it. I haven’t made any friends, I didn’t do well in any of my classes and those black squirrels freak me out. I see them in my nightmares.”

If Schmitt doesn’t want to be here, where would he transfer? He doesn’t really know. He put out applications to every school that starts with the letter W because it’s the first letter of his first name. Wellesley College included. That’s an all-girls school.

His mother insists knowing nothing, regardless of paying for all the fees involved with transfer applications.

“He says, he’s fine, so I believe him. My little boy is having a great time. He tells me when he comes home every other weekend,” said Mrs. Schmitt.

“Right now I’m either going to complain even more for the next three and a half years, transfer and complain there, or take a year to complain to my parents and start working at Starbucks for the rest of my life. I’m not sure yet, but they all suck as options,” Schmitt said.

So, unfortunately, even with multiple attempts from different resources to help Wilson, it looks like he’s set his mind on leaving at the end of the semester.

UPDATE: Schmitt got laid early second semester and, right after telling his mom about it, withdrew all of his transfer applications.

Josh Feinblatt is a sophomore television, radio and film major. His column appears weekly in Pulp. He can be reached at [email protected]

Published on January 29, 2017 at 8:18 pm