One of the largest repercussions of electing the next president is that Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton will have the power to appoint a new Supreme Court justice.

Ever since the death of Antonin Scalia, there have only been eight justices on the Supreme Court. This has led to split decisions on a few cases, which caused a lot of problems considering the fact that the Supreme Court is specifically there to make the final decision. That would be like getting sent to the principal’s office and then he’s like, “I’m not sure if you can be punished,” and then he just makes you just sit there.

Because the Court is split four to four on most of the cases, the general public assumes that they don’t get along. But the top eight justices in the nation are not really in the public eye very much. Especially since the ninth seat’s vacancy, none of the justices have really said much about it.

That’s because they’re having a great time. The eight justices have formed a “SCOTUS Squad,” and have been rolling up everywhere together. Imagine how awesome eight justices rocking black embroidered silk robes look when they pull up to the Supreme Court building.

“Ever since Antonin left, we find ourselves hanging out almost all the time. They say to never mix work and friends, but my co-workers are becoming my best friends,” said Chief Justice John Roberts.

Justice Anthony Kennedy talked about what the justices do outside of the courtroom.

“We used to just see each other during hearings, but now, after trials, we’ll hang out in one of our chambers. Usually it’s Scrooge’s — I mean Justice Breyer’s,” he said. “We even have nicknames for each other.”

Apparently none of the eight justices are excited for a new appointment. They have two reasons.

“A squad can’t have an odd number, and eight is the perfect squad number. Everyone knows Taylor Swift has gone overboard on her squad numbers, but we hear she’s trying to trim it down to eight like we have,” Justice Elena Kagan explained.

Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg added on why the SCOTUS Squad isn’t too enthusiastic for their new co-worker.

“When you can’t complete any of your work and there are no expectations, nobody really cares what you do. It’s like if a teacher went on maternity leave and they didn’t give you a substitute. Would anybody actually do the assigned readings she never checks, especially a week after she brought a human being that doesn’t sleep into the world?” she said.

For court bonding sessions, Justice Sonia Sotomayor invites everyone over to her home.

“Most high school sports teams have pasta dinner parties, but all the justices come over to my house the night before a hearing and I make a bunch of food. It’s great because you don’t get gassy until the next day. So, if it gets too boring, they have a great excuse to leave during the hearing,” she said.

“We’ve just learned so much about each other,” said Justice Samuel Alito. “Like, first, the other justices learned that I wasn’t an intern. Also, we found out that Clarence Thomas does talk. You just have to poke his belly like the Pillsbury Doughboy and he’ll tell you all about his favorite movie genres, animated Disney classics and “The Fast and the Furious.”

A new Supreme Court justice is inevitable in the upcoming months. But for now, the eight members of the SCOTUS Squad will keep handing down decisions, without any actual decisions.

As one of their final sprees before the election, the Supreme Court Squad will dress as Snow White and the Seven Dwarves for Halloween.

“And that is probably the first thing we’ve all agreed on,” Justice Clarence Thomas said.

Josh Feinblatt is a sophomore television, radio, film major. He is truly a huge fan of the Supreme Court and wishes he could walk around in one of those robes. You can follow him on Twitter @josh_is_fein or reach him at [email protected].

Published on October 18, 2016 at 9:29 pm