Humor

Columnist prepares for the promenade of his dreams

It’s that time of year again, ladies and gentlemen: Promenade season. I’ve spent my whole college career waiting for this, and I can’t believe it’s finally here: I’m finally going to have my first Prom Night.

I’ve already reserved my spot at the hair salon so I can look my absolute best. I even bought a dress and everything. I want to be looking clean and crisp, just like the fabulous brick path I’ll now be gracing with my presence, half-asleep at 9:15 every morning.

After the school announced the promenade this spring — I saved the date — everyone has been anxiously waiting on their toes for it to get all set up.

Signs about the prom’s unveiling were everywhere across campus this summer, advertising it as an “appealing high-quality gathering space distinguished by design excellence.”

I’m not sure what that means, but do you think there will be balloons? Every excellently designed gathering space I’ve been to has had balloons.



Of course, everyone is taking dates to the prom. Some people asked their dates months ago. I haven’t asked anyone yet. People say you can meet new people at the prom. Maybe I’ll ask someone I don’t know, and we can get to know each other and share a nice prom experience. Or, maybe I’ll just wait until the last minute to ask the same friends I’ve been hanging out with for years and only talk to them. Probably the latter.

I’ve heard that some schools let students drive special vehicles to their Promenades, like a trolley or their rich uncle’s jaguar. I reached out to the university to inquire about this, and they said they have plenty of cool rides I could borrow for Prom Night.

But everyone knows that the best part of the prom is the after-party. That’s when all bets are off, baby. I had my cousin buy me some alcohol to share with my peers. I know I’m almost twenty-two, but this feels more rebellious. Now I just need to find some friends. Who wants to share sixty Smirnoff Ices?

I mean, I just think “Promenade” is such a cool word. We can thank the French for that. “Une promenade” is a walk, a stroll, and boy, I’ll be strolling, all right.

I’m going to strut my stuff on this and every Prom night. My mom’s going to take too many pictures and my dad will want me home by midnight, which I guess is fair since I have class the next day.

But no matter what, I think this prom is going to give me the best night of my life. All any little boy ever dreams of is walking a nice girl down a 6 million dollar brick path. It might seem unnecessary, but I’d hate to have bought this corsage for nothing.

Ian McCourt is a senior television/radio/film major. He’s already seen three couples break up on the prom. You can follow him on twitter @OrderInMcCourt or reach him at [email protected]





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