UPDATED: Aug. 1 at 12:57 p.m.

The Super Bowl is fun in a lot of ways; I mean, what’s better than watching 22 grown men collide into each other for three hours until someone says it’s time to go home?

But I hear that many of you have decided to abandon our country’s almighty tradition to just watch commercials or eat Tostitos or dip Tostitos in a Tostitos mild salsa (Hi Tostitos!)

I say “Bah humbug,” which roughly translates in Latvian to “hey try this out.” Every year there are Super Bowl prop bets, which cover everything from the coin toss to what commercial will play in the middle of the third quarter. So here are some other Super Bowl prop bets that I hope can keep your interest on Lord Goodell’s holiday.

Will Lady Gaga be wearing some sort of meat during her national anthem performance? (Y/N)

She did it once, Google it. Never count out a girl who has been in a Ryan Murphy project.

Times we see Peyton Manning’s giant red forehead: Over/Under 3.5

Peyton’s forehead probably has its own Tumblr. It is in a league of its own; in terms of perfect rectangular shape and the fact that it is as red as Geena Davis’ hair. Every time the Broncos score, his giant reset button will be shown for the world to see. It just depends on how many times they can score.

Times Chris Martin “Woos” during the Halftime Performance: Over/Under 5.5

This all depends on what songs Coldplay decides to play. He woos more than a freshman girl on bid day, so the bar is set pretty high. But who knows, maybe they play “The Scientist” and Martin does not woo, but rather he coos. Side note, if you haven’t seen the music video for that song, I highly recommend it. Super sad and super sci-fi, like a shorter “Interstellar.”

Will there be a commercial starring a popular cast from the 90s? (Y/N)

“Full House” set the precedent and made us all care about yogurt for like 26 seconds. Your move, Zack Morris.

Will the Budweiser Clydesdales turn into Pegasi? (Y/N)

I really only wrote this one because I am PRAYING the plural of Pegasus is Pegasi. That would be so cool.

Will Phil Simms Explain “The Dab”? (Y/N)

Another one I just really want to happen. Could you imagine?

“You know Jim, when people dab it’s really just… It’s like an elbow motion that comes down like you’re wiping your nose. Are they trying to wipe their nose, or is there some sort of pine tar in the elbow? That’s the only possible explanation.”

Will the camera cut to NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell’s stupid smirk as he basks in the glory of his kingdom? (Y/N)

The Roger Goodell smirk is like Darth Vader’s heavy breathing, it is both a signature of his persona and required to sustain his life.

So there you have it. Enjoy Sunday and remember that chicken wings always taste better with an iced cold bottle of skim milk.

Danny Cuneo is a senior television, radio and film major. He wants Cam Newton to dab on all sportswriters who criticize him. He can be reached at [email protected].

Published on February 6, 2016 at 11:42 pm