My biggest problem is emotional eating.

If I get upset, I’m often too nauseated to eat anything. Then, when I’m so hungry I can’t see straight, I gorge. When I’ve come to terms with my nausea, I seek comfort in the irony that food will somehow make me feel better, despite the guilt. When that boy quit calling, I had my girls, a bottle of wine and ice cream. Those times school and work were so demanding that I handled it by running for miles, I deserved triple portions of my meals.

When food we love stops being enjoyable and becomes guilt inducing, it’s a problem. Emotional eating is real, and it dirties the act of enjoying a wonderful, cultural experience.

In June, NPR reported on a German Institute of Human Nutrition Potsdam-Rehbruecke study that suggested somber moods reduce our ability to taste fat. The study showed that stress signals danger, making us detect bitter tastes more strongly. Individuals tested about 15 percent more sensitively to bitter, sweet and sour after watching emotional videos. Participants in the study also had more trouble distinguishing levels of fat within food.

Therein lies the slippery slope — our emotional stress inhibits our ability to eat smartly. This leads to destructive, guilty feelings, produced by the high of downing desserts or greasy foods in the blink of an eye.

Health research is constantly in flux, and we’ve yet to find out why we eat bad foods when we’re feeling down. But there is no singular path to perfect health. Too many physical and emotional factors contribute to our well-being. So while the dangers of overeating are apparent — aside from an indication of emotional struggle, it can lead to weight gain, diabetes and cardiovascular problems — it’s important to realize that food is not an enemy.

It may be hard to remember that when we are bombarded by images of incredibly fit men and women. Some are unaffected by these false standards, while others succumb to the deception, and then diet until we lose control and turn to a form of emotional eating: bingeing.

Many of us allow ourselves to be upset by any number of things, from our relationships to our work or academic environments. More often than not, I’m one of the latter individuals. It’s a struggle, and the undue pressure comes from a desire to look a certain way. But I’m not perfect. My weight has fluctuated my entire life, and my second-biggest problem is portion control. I can eat a shocking amount for someone who is 5 feet and 1 inch tall.

I still struggle too frequently with emotional eating. My problem is a lingering fear that I am hypocritical or a poor example of wellness promotion. But I’m human, and realizing that is just one part of being healthy.

A professor once challenged me with this thought: “What is wrong with emotional eating?”

I responded, “Because I feel awful afterwards. I’m wrecked with guilt.”

“And that’s not OK,” she told me. “But what is OK is enjoying eating, and enjoying eating something you love — maybe a childhood food — and feeling good afterwards.

She is right.

We live in a world where we should celebrate different ideas of health and food. Food is a sensory, artful experience. Childhood favorites should bring back nothing but fond memories. And when we want a cupcake, that’s absolutely fine.

Jillian is a magazine, newspaper, and online journalism graduate student. Her column appears every Wednesday in Pulp. She cannot live without Brussels sprouts or quinoa, but also copious amounts of s’mores and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Email her at [email protected] and follow her on Twitter @jathaw.

Published on October 9, 2013 at 1:18 am