I have a secret. See that beautiful aqua-green and white Huffy bike rusting his chain away outside the S.I. Newhouse School of Public Communications for the last two months? He’s mine. Every coppery fleck of corroded metal tells a sad tale of our broken relationship.

In the fall, Huffy and I went everywhere together. Then, his tires flattened and a handlebar grip came off in my hand, causing a near fatal crash. But Huffy had one even “bigger” problem. His saddle really pissed me off.

I didn’t want to ride him anymore unless he cushioned the love.

This kind of physical assault doesn’t bother singer Skylar Grey, who is dominating the Pandora radio stations by ripping off Queen’s “Fat Bottomed Girls,” singing:

“Come on, let me ride your bicycle/ It’s so fantastical on your bicycle/ We can get a little more physical/ Baby, after all, it’s only natural/ I feel it coming, coming, coming.”

I can only guess what’s “coming.”

But if, like Huffy, your bike saddle is a digger, you may want to take a serious look at your ride. Research published in “The Journal of Sexual Medicine” in 2012 found that women who cycle on a regular basis may be reducing sensitivity in their vaginas.

There’s also a lot of research showing a link between male erectile dysfunction and cycling. The Massachusetts Male Aging Study found men who cycle more than three hours a week are most at risk of compressing arteries and vital nerves leading to the penis. Cycling puts pressure on the perineum, the area between the scrotum and anus, which is full of nerves.

But what happens when a vagina’s in the driver’s seat? The 2012 study put 48 women, who rode an average of 10 miles a week, on exercise bikes and asked them to indicate any tingling, soreness or pleasure during the bike ride. Pressure maps were used to identify pelvic floor sensations in the women.

As it turns out, vaginas and penises aren’t all that different.

Similar to penis and perineum pressure, researchers found handlebar height is the vagina-destroying culprit. Women who ride bikes where the seat is higher than the handlebars put extra pressure on nerves and blood vessels in the genital area. Eventually, this may reduce sensitivity in the labia and vaginal walls.

Don’t get me wrong, cycling is great exercise, especially if your knees can’t hack pounding pavements. According to the calorimeter on Bicycling Magazine’s website, if you weigh 140 pounds, you can burn about 300 calories in 30 minutes cycling at a moderate intensity (12-14 mph). Calories burned increase with the weight of the rider.

A properly fitted bike is the best way to protect your sex organs. The right frame size, handlebar height and seat position are all important, according to WebMD.

That goes for bikes at the gym, too.

To be a safe rider, try not to get your ass too far in the air. While positioning the saddle higher than the handlebars is standard for race bikes, take pressure off of your sex organs by standing up in the saddle if you don’t want to lower the seat. Grooved seats, or those with holes, may feel more comfortable, but they increase pressure on the sides of the groove, redistributing the pressure problem.

If all else fails, ride safely by investing in some padded spandex.

And before any common criminals get any ideas: Don’t you dare steal my boy. Huffy may not be the best ride in the world, but sex isn’t everything.

Iona Holloway is a senior magazine journalism and psychology major. She’d like to land on Eminem’s kickstand. Email her at [email protected], follow her on Twitter at @ionaholloway and visit www.ionaholloway.com.

Published on February 27, 2013 at 12:42 am